It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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