I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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