dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
