So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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