I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
