i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
