mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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