im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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