i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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