We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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