the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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