we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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