guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
No subtext here. People are naked.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
