You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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