Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
