We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Of course I have a pirate flag
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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