If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
