Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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