I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
