He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
