Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Apparently you make a good broom.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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