If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize