I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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