If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
