4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
