My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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