Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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