I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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