a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
