She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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