Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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