An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
