yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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