i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize