No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
