Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
