You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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