I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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