Already got asked if we're dating
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
