we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
