My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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