Princesses don't give blow jobs
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
