well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
