Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
