At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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