i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
