first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
