I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
