Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize