I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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