So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Two words: nipple clamps
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