Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
