Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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