Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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