My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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