Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
