Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
