Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
