jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
