I hate your face
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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