So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
