Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
did i just pee glitter
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
