He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize