I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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