She is in my trunk
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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