either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Semen is not good for contacts.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
