oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I party with great urgency now.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
