Where is the hickey?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
