At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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