Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
