I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
