is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
